Burgers, Bacon, and Bloodshed: America’s Deathly Menu

By: Nandini Miryala

Burgers, Bacon, and Bloodshed: America’s Deathly Menu America, known as the land of equality and prosperity, has its title hanging by a loose thread. The country is facing a grave crisis that threatens the very existence of innocent beings. No, it's not global warming or political nepotism, but the monstrous act of non-vegetarians feasting on the flesh of animals. If not for them, then who else can we leave the great responsibility of murdering for pleasure? (Sarcasm) The American meat-eating population devours over 1,700 animals a day, stripping them of their natural habitats and mercilessly putting them to death for their own selfish desires. Almost everything has been tried to change their ways, from the Vegan Teacher’s five minutes of fame to animal rights movements, but if we are being honest–nothing works. At this rate, the barbarians will eventually eat all the animals, and what is to say they won’t resort to cannibalism next? (Slippery Slope)

It is time for a radical solution. The solution that will put an end to this inhumane practice once and for all. What might this magical remedy be? Simple: Kill all non-vegetarians. Sure, it may sound a bit drastic, but are you not willing to do what it takes? We need to take a page out of history and relive McCarthyism's Red Scare. Just as Joseph McCarthy once rooted the 1950’s communist savages out, it’s time for our 2023’s version too. A campaign against the non-vegetarians would be launched, conducting rigorous searches for their immorality. Once proven to be a carnivore, they will be subjected to the same treatment animals suffer just to end up as the main course. They will be slaughtered. They will be processed. They will be eliminated. I mean the New Testament of the Bible didn’t emphasize an “eye for an eye” for nothing. Humans don’t deserve the special exception when they have taken advantage of animals for centuries, so why not give them a taste of their own medicine. (Verbal Irony) In response to this proposal, some may question, “What about the non-vegetarians who will be affected? What about their families and loved ones?” So to those who insist on defending these savages, I ask you this: Are you saying that human lives are more valuable than animals, or do you just not want the blood and guilt on your hands? Let’s not forget that this is for the animals. They are the true victims here, so shouldn’t we focus on who really needs the saving here? (Straw Man Fallacy). Sure, it may seem cruel to kill based on dietary choices, but those exact choices cost poor animals their lives—their freedom. (Appeal to Pity) It is time they are served their justice—the first and final step. We need to take this opportunity to finally cleanse this world of these savages and their practices. Only then can we truly call ourselves the equal land of the free